"The heart is the most important thing in the world. Therefore, look after it well." Ajahn Mun (1870-1949)
27 April 2009
Cultivating the Undefended Heart: The Practice of Metta or Lovingkindness As you press for justice, be sure to move with dignity and discipline, using
only the instruments of Love.
--Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.
So what, then, are the instruments of Love?
The
teachings of the Dharma offer the practice of Metta or Lovingkindness which is
sometimes translated as Loving-Friendliness. One of the important distinctions
is the difference between the Love that is generally understood in our culture
(which has a lot of attachment, romance, sexuality, and more) vs. Lovingkindness
(which is simple acceptance and meeting the moment for what it is--very close
to pure awareness). The near enemy of Metta (that which looks like Metta and masquerades
as Metta) is Attachment. This is when conditional love arises "If you are
like this or do this, I will be able to love you. If you love me, I will or can
love you." If A, then B. Expectation is also a near enemy and is different
than intention of Metta. Love and Lovingkindness are generous without
condition, without expectation. Loving without an
attachment-to-a-certain-outcome is loving things just as they are.
The far
enemy (or the opposite) of Metta is Hatred or Aversion. Aversion is the pushing
away of unpleasant experience. Hatred and Anger are the striking out at the
unpleasantness of an experience. In Anger and Hatred, there is often a
component in which we wish someone ill. We are not only ungenerous with our
Love but we wish discomfort upon the object of our anger or hatred. One thing
to remember that this state of mind is only one step away from the enjoyment of
seeing people in discomfort or suffering. This enjoyment is the definition of
cruelty. How close do we want to get towards cruelty? The intention of
Lovingkindness is not to add one more drop of pain to this painful life.
Ajahn Mun,
who is one of the Thai meditation masters of this past century and
re-invigorated the Thai Forest Tradition (of which Western Vipassana practice
is connected) said, "The Heart is the most important thing in the world.
Therefore, look after it well." I love that phrase--consequently it is on
my website pretty prominently.
Ultimately,
the Heart that is awake wishes kindness to all beings, even those we don't "like"
or experience as "unpleasant." Metta does not request us to
immediately feeling goodness towards people who have caused great harm or
injury or oppression. Rather, Metta invites us to consider, "What is my
intention towards their existence as living beings? Do I wish them to be
annihilated, just because I wish my suffering to be annihilated? Will their
annihilation, annihilate my suffering? Do I wish to harm in return?"
The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a
descending spiral,
begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.
Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.
Through violence you may murder the liar,
but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth.
Through violence you may murder the hater,
but you do not murder hate.
In fact, violence merely increases hate.
So it goes.
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,
adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Reflection:
If I can't be loving in this moment, can I be kind. If I can't be kind, can I
simply notice. If I can't notice, can I not cause harm. If I cannot not cause
harm, can I cause the least amount of harm possible? In response to one of my
dharma talks during a retreat, one practitioner raised their hand and asked,
"Is that all there is 'Lovingkindness?'" What is your answer to that
question? When Dipa Ma, one of the highly realized and awake women in our
lifetimes who was the teacher to many of our teachers' teachers, was asked what
is on her mind, she replied, "There is only Mindfulness and
Lovingkindness. That is all there ever is."
Metta is the
foundational, core energy for all the other Brahma Viharas (the Divine Abodes) --Compassion,
Appreciative Joy, and Equanimity--all energies of the Undefended Heart.
Starting with ourselves The ground of Lovingkindness starts with ourselves. How can we take care of
others, or love and assist in their healing when we are not taking care of
ourselves, when we have not started to explore our direct experience with love
and healing ourselves? The Buddha said "You can search the ten thousand
universes and not find a single being more worthy for your lovingkindness than
yourself." (Samyutta Nikaya)
We also
begin with ourselves because Dharma practice is incremental practice. It is not
about attaining perfection, or some ideal state. It is more about how we
approach each moment in front of us. And who is in front of us more--than
ourselves. We start with ourselves. And as we develop and recognize our
capacity for Lovingkindness we are able to share it more and more in greater
variety of circumstances--from dear friends, benefactors, to neutral people, to
difficult people, and complex people.
If we truly loved ourselves, we would not harm another.
--Buddha
For some of
us it is difficult to direct love towards ourselves. Self-esteem issues may
arise, not feeling deserving of love--self-judgment, unworthiness, less-than
others, others feeling more important. But we cannot truly unconditionally
love, without loving ourselves. Metta asks the question: Where does
Lovingkindness flow easily in my life? Who do I love with ease without
attachments or complications? Start with them, then when the experience of
Lovingkindness is present, shift the practice towards yourself.
The most
interesting place of Metta practice for me is the neutral person--the person
that I don't know very well. I found that every time I chose a neutral person,
if I was focused on my Metta practice everyday, that person very quickly
shifted from being neutral in my life. My feelings towards them changed--and I
have to believe that if it can happen with my neutral person, that it happens
to all of the people that I offer Metta to, even my difficult people.
Parable of the Bandit in the Forest Suppose you were walking in the forest with a beloved friend, a person you did
not know at all, and an enemy--all of a sudden a bandit jumps out brandishing a
huge knife and says that one of you will die, but that it is up to you to
choose which one of your group will die--who do you choose? One of your group?
Yourself? Your loved one?
The
traditional answer is: there is no difference. We cultivate the intention to
value each life equally. That is truly equality. No one is excluded from the
reach of Love.
The Traditional Practice
Traditionally the invitations into practice are the internalization and visualization
of the phrases:
May I be free of danger.
May I have mental happiness.
May I have physical happiness.
May I have ease of well being.
Use the phrases as you feel comfortable, but also change them if you need to
make them more in touch with your own experience. Some people use just one
word. My own Metta Practice (shared at the end) is 7 phrases. It makes for a
long Metta, but it allows me to slow down and cultivate my concentration. It
helps my mind come back to the phrases even if I get distracted. But this might
not be your experience, so experiment with it all--what works for you? How do
you make this your own practice? What phrases work best for you?
In the
beginning, we may lose the phrases--like the losing the breath. Also, while
wishing well wishes, the exact opposite feelings may arise. This is very common--feelings
of anger, or ill will, or not being loved yourself. None of this is an
invitation to judge yourself or the practice--just noticing what arises with kindness.
May you be happy.
May your be free from pain and suffering.
May your have ease and well being.
May you be healthy and strong in your body, mind, and heart.
May you love and be loved.
May you love yourself unconditionally.
And may you find freedom in this lifetime.
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